Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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