I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
