I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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