Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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