I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
