I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
