hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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