I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
