It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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