I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
