Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
