She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
