I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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