Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
