i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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