what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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