Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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