You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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