Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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