we have officially lost it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
