I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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