Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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