I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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