Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
