so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
