so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
