maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
