Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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