This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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