You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
