whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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