I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize