who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
