sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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