dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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