Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
