No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
