HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
