i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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