Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
