I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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