How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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