how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
