So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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