Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
