I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
