Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
