in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
