East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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