I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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