you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize