Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
