You can't special order awesome
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my poor anus
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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