Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I came so hard my ears popped.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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