Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
