So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
