life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
