Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
