just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You pole danced in your parka.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize