I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
