Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
