woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
