he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
