Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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