More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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