3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
