I need to stop coming to work sober
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize