Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
These tits shall not be calmed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
