I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
