Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
