there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
