so explain again why im purple
no
Michael Bay diarrhea
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
